Reflections on Age and Energy

 Pentecost 2024

Keith said it’s too bad

you were older and tired by the time

you got a good church

I replied I am like Sarah

who got pregnant at 90

too old to enjoy motherhood

thanks a lot God.

 

I told him Aldersgate

took what was left

sucked me dry

never got a break from trauma

heartbreak anger awful decisions

six months leading two churches

trying to learn Massey’s Chapel

while Aldersgate died.

 

Then came Covid

then came disaffiliations.

 

I overheard Keith telling neighbors

my first church had been really mean

caused me to cry a lot

turned off our children from church.

 

Three unhealthy churches

had too many problems

for one pastor

the Rougemont Charge

about blew me out like a candle

I remember praying

I can’t do this anymore God

that has been my prayer

as long as I’ve been in ministry.

 

For twenty years a devil has sat on my shoulder

whispering you could do more

for God’s kingdom

as a lay person in a healthy church.

 

Massey’s Chapel is anxious

over the possibility

of my retirement next June

it’s not that they love me so much

I am not warm and fuzzy

what I am is competent.

 

I told Keith

they are just anxious about the future

this is an anxious year in many ways

I could retire next year or five years from now

who knows what kind of pastor they would get.

Still God will be a part of it.