Monday, October 13, 2025
Blast from the Past
Wednesday, October 8, 2025
Restlessness
Home is quiet today reading all done
chicken in crockpot
lunch with friend in an hour
there is restlessness
I know pickleball mahjong lunches will get old
what am I (still) passionate about?
No desire to be docent
volunteer at gardens (done that disliked it)
hospital volunteer (done that too)
babysit (mixed bag)
stock food pantry
march as Keith does
I sense church is still where I am led
or is it just my comfort zone?
Keith asks are you sorry you retired
my answer is no
not even ready to volunteer as short-term interim.
Actually church isn't comfort zone anymore
have trouble remembering names
my singing voice declining
difficulty seeing words in dim sanctuary
theological lectures
not even comfortable in Sunday school.
Months ago I told other ordained Cheryl at Massey’s
I want to be for a pastor
what she has been for me: friend
someone to talk things through
someone to fill in when I was sick or gone
I knew she could do anything in church and do it well.
I can see I will not be these things where I am
but
I also need want crave well-played hymns music
it’s how I worship
oh the music at Pittsboro is sublime.
Listen to this craziness
I could worship sing at 9 a.m. main service
visit around at 11 a.m. churches
especially struggling little ones
disrespected at charge conferences
God is still here!
might be interesting.
Or not.
Dear Jesus would you like to weigh in?
Monday, October 6, 2025
Charge Conference
I attended charge conference last night
even though my feet dragged
thought I was done with these things
but
I'm a member of this one
curious about the church
there is new DS to meet
young Korean shook my hand
is this him? this fellow looks too young
I gave my name but he did not give his
I asked him you are...? yes the DS
I can’t believe we’ve never met (actually I can)
it’s nice to meet you so that much is done.
No opportunity to sneak out
I stayed the duration
worship DS sermon
horrible discernment at church tables
never seen this done
felt sorry for small churches
embarrassed shamed
by having to answer questions.
Two churches doing well
growing excited about everything
Pittsboro and The Local Church
(relatively) new church merged with Evergreen
others not so much.
I feel impotently angry for little churches
who cannot understand
why outsiders do not find them attractive
last year’s charge profile allowed churches
to name villains:
Covid shrinking population
disaffiliations
terrible pastoral leadership
hard to blame shrinking population
in this corner of the state.
Here’s what I know
only one of declining churches
present last night
has functioning web site
where someone might discover
what time the church worships
that is the tip of the iceberg I’m sure
I don’t know the answer
nor why my heart hurts for them.
As we’re leaving
here came a woman from Evergreen
who remembered me
(I was there briefly with Aldersgate)
we’re doing so well she told me
I’m happy for you! happy also
it appears Local Church and you all
get to keep your (valuable) property I said
after lunching last year
with Evergreen’s former interim pastor
who told she didn’t think it would happen
make it happen I urged her
it was good to see something
that might have ended badly
end very well
praise God.
Thursday, October 2, 2025
Family Album
Wednesday, September 17, 2025
Song Memories: B - D
There are many modern adaptations of old hymns on my ipod like
Blessed Assurance
Be Thou My Vision
Be Still My Soul
I love them they carry
profound spiritual memories of worship
but I’m blogging about ipod
secular songs
bringing back memories
of ministry.
Under “B” is pair of songs by Simon and Garfunkle
lots of
spiritual references in their music
in particular “Bridge
Over Troubled Water”
also “The Boxer” spoke
to me during difficult years
my favorite verse of “Bridge
Over Troubled Water” is last
always filled me with
hope
Sail on silvergirl sail on by
your time has come to shine
all your dreams are on their way
see how they shine
If you need a friend I'm sailing right behind
like a bridge over troubled water I will ease your mind
like a bridge over troubled water I will ease your mind.
I also identified with
tougher verse 5 from “The Boxer”
with changed gender
language:
In the clearing stands a boxer and a fighter by her trade
she carries the reminders of every glove that laid her down
or cut her til she
cried out in her anger and her shame
“I am leaving I am
leaving”
but the fighter still
remains.
was “Candle in the
Window”
using lyrics of “Can’t
Fight This Feeling” by REO Speedwagon
I was pastor of Union
Grove UMC in Bahama
known for having electric candles in its windows all night
some people said they visited
the church because of the candles
I talked about what
candles in church window might represent
do represent.
Even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight
you're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night.
First heard in Divinity School the idea that God invites us to dance
resonated with me especially early in pastoral ministry
God led me in dances that were way over my head
learning the steps was difficult
“Dance with Me” by the Doobie Brothers
captures the joy
playfulness God uses in invitations to dance.
Dance with me I want to be your partner can't you see?
the music is just starting
night is falling and I am calling
dance with me.
Still dancing Lord.
Wednesday, September 3, 2025
Song Memories: A
My ipod has become antique
won’t play in new car
son-in-law Jonathan transferred songs to my phone
now they play in the
car and everywhere else
haven’t listened to
them in such a long time
many lyrics have
meanings memories for me
as I drew closer to God
through divinity school
difficulties of ordination
early challenges of ministry
I’ll start in
alphabetic order with “A”
maybe eventually I'll get farther than A.
“Always on My Mind” by
Willie Nelson was a frequent prayer for me
as a pastor
in my mind I substituted “God” for “girl.”
Maybe I didn't love you quite as often as I could have
maybe I didn't treat you quite as good as I should have
if I made you feel second best
God I'm sorry I was
blind
you were always on my
mind you were always on my mind.
“Amie” by Pure Prairie
League seemed to play a lot
during difficulties of getting
reinstated as candidate for ministry
I debated a lot:
do I stay with this
horrible process or give it up?
Jim R (gift from God) kept me hanging
in there
God seemed playfully to speak to me
through refrain of
this song.
Amie (Cheryl), what you wanna do?
I think I could stay with you
for a while, maybe longer if I do.
“And That’s All I Know”
by Art Garfunkle expressed well
what I often felt in Divinity
School.
All my plans have fallen through
all my plans depend on you
depend on you to help them grow
I love you and that's all I know.
“Angel” by Sarah
McLauchlan reminds me
of meanness lack of hospitality
of ordination boards
seemed like God was
speaking to me
it’s important to
realize what are lies.
You spend all your time waiting for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always some reason to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day….
So tired of the straight lines and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
the storm keeps on
twisting
keeps on building the lies
that you make up for all that you lack.
“Annie’s Song” by John
Denver kept coming up
when I was enrolled in
spiritual direction school
I read somewhere his wife said
it became like a prayer
to him
yes I can see that.
You fill up my senses like a night in a forest
like the mountains in springtime like a walk in the rain
like a storm in the desert like a sleepy blue ocean
you fill up my senses
come fill me again.
Thursday, August 28, 2025
Finding my Place?
I visited Pittsboro UMC Sunday for the late service
five minutes from my home.
Lovely worship space
excellent music fantastic choir
congregation not overly friendly
but not unfriendly either
my presence seems to surprise pastors
he was friendlier on my way out the door.
Monday I received email from him
it was a joy having you in worship yesterday etc
this was first welcome note I have received
after sending hundreds of them myself
I emailed in reply I’ve been visiting churches
was invited to PUMC by neighbors
loved the worship service
not familiar with this district
want to sing in choir at church near home
which limits my choices.
Within a few minutes a return email
with contact info for choir director
we’d love to have you in our choir
I emailed director: can visitor join choir?
“Dear Pastor Cheryl” came reply – yes indeed
first fall practice is tomorrow at 7.
Next day I received church coffee mug
filled with chocolate kisses
and note: welcome!
also email from office administrator: welcome!
I think you’re being pursued Keith said
this is what is supposed to happen I replied
coffee mug was a nice touch.
Choir practice was superb also nostalgic
I haven’t been part of a well-led choir
with people who laugh joke enjoy each other
since I was a student at Pleasant Green
I so loved the choir there
my voice is worn out from years of preaching
no one seemed to notice.
Welcome Pastor Cheryl!
please I am retired
I'm really a recovering pastor
they all laughed
just Cheryl will be fine
they were friendly welcoming.
So I will sing at 9 and 11 on Sunday
probably return to Sunday school between
perhaps I have found my place.
Tuesday, August 26, 2025
Hope, Part 2
Lovely weekend began with celebration of Katherine’s birthday
foursome brunch in Pittsboro
traveled next to artists gallery in Creedmoor
she selected glass pumpkin (which she collects) as gift
then home to play lively mahjong.
Saturday funeral in Roxboro with pretty backroads drive
good to see colleagues and former church members.
Neighbor invited me to Pittsboro UMC
may I ride with you?
of course but we go to Sunday school first is that okay
I’m not sure I can keep my mouth shut in bible study I worried to Keith
you can do it he said.
Sunday school was a dozen older people around a table
lesson was in Luke’s Gospel but we began in Genesis
under the oaks of mamre
the teacher asked who were Abraham’s three visitors?
someone actually – actually! – answered the Trinity
the teacher said she had never heard this
they probably were God and two angels
I said nothing.
Late service in the old sanctuary
lovely space not as large as I guessed
big brass cross up front
stained glass windows potted plants
short curved Communion rail I guess they don’t kneel
organ piano choir
young pastor wears headset mic does not robe
bowtie reminds me of Bruce Stanley (smile)
he preached the last of three-part series on Prodigal Son.
The choir was superb excellent music
we sang Love Divine All Loves Excelling one of my favs.
I sat third row from front
between mahjong friend I recognized
and neighbors who brought me.
Church is hard for me friend said softly before service began
why is that I wondered
I was married to United Methodist pastor
who cheated on me with someone he was counseling
this was in Virginia
I’m so sorry I said
church is difficult for many people
you know I’m a retired pastor
we can talk about it sometime I offered
she said the one thing I want to leave with from worship
is a sense of hope
if I can just feel hope
it helps me get through the week.
Yes that is true for all of us I said.
Sunday, August 24, 2025
Hope, Part 1
Monday, August 18, 2025
Sunday Mornings
I wait for the worship service to begin
it’s 11 o’clock but things are not punctual here
however they are casual
old wooden pew no padding uncomfortable
the back slanted forward to keep us awake
not something I’ve had to endure in a while.
A huge central wooden cross
has big cruel nails driven in
where hands and feet would be
I’ve not seen that in a Protestant church
Communion table covered with fat white candles
which someone forgot to light
because the pastor is out of town.
More people arrive a few approach
to greet me we introduce ourselves
four names is about my limit
one woman sits on the pew in front of mine
turns around to hear my name and tell me hers
immediately she asks: Do you love Jesus?
yes I reply
that’s what matters she says in a happy way
hops up to move elsewhere
had I been thinking quicker maybe
I would have asked her the same
then wondered how she shows that love in the world
actually that’s not likely
I don’t want to intimidate people
she wasn’t as concerned
had I been a seeker hers could have been
an off-putting question.
As it is they will see me sing the old hymns
recite the Apostles’ Creed from heart
toss a check in the plate
wish folks the peace of Christ
someone who knows her way around
a church like this.
One of them will say
she said she loves Jesus
what was her name again?
Sunday, August 3, 2025
Transitions
Saturday, August 2, 2025
Hello Again Reykjavik
Tuesday, July 29, 2025
Hello/Goodbye Heimaey
Hello Djupivogur!
Sunday, July 27, 2025
Hello Seydisfjordur....
Saturday, July 26, 2025
Hello Akureyri!
Hello Isafjordur!
Friday, July 25, 2025
Hello Reykjavik!
Monday, July 7, 2025
A New Chapter
I finally did it -- I retired.
Thank God for the call, for the good work, for the blessings, for the release.
Keith and I are taking a trip to Iceland in July.
I hope for many great photos!
More then.