The Best of Us All

 

Please not Sunday afternoon I said

I am exhausted after church

but that was the day that worked

so I said it will be fine.

 

There wasn’t much time between

the end of one service in Durham

lunch in Pittsboro

change purple stole for white

funeral in Apex

Massey’s sanctuary too small

every seat filled

several hundred people

she was beloved in church

and everywhere else apparently.

 

Her death took everyone by surprise

we knew she had slow cancer for years

she seemed better than fine

I got the call on my way to Wilmington

for retirement seminar

she’s with Hospice

what?!

I just saw her last week she seemed fine

doctor said she would go fast when she finally went

disbelief shock

please put me on the phone with her

she’s not really conscious

what?!

but Hospice nurse says she can still hear

I said a prayer on speakerphone

knowing dreading from experience what happens

when prayer places dying person in Jesus’ arms

oh please wait one more day I thought

so I can hold your hand kiss your forehead

give you Communion

but twenty minutes later another phone call

she is gone.

 

She was the best of us all.

 

What will we do now

someone said

we have lost her we are losing you

I said you’ll be fine

just pray just pray.

Springtime Drive

 

Bumblebee on a blooming redbud tree

Went to Siler City yesterday for pickleball

such a beautiful drive there and back

almost no traffic

how could I help but praise God

for redbud trees in full bloom

an indescribable color

at the edge of woods or in yards

I saw yellow forsythia too

tips of trees edged now in green.

 

Passed Sunshine Alpaca Farm

several months ago I stopped

bought alpaca wool socks so soft and light

in liturgical colors purple green red

to wear Sundays peeking out

at the bottom of my black robe

I’m wearing purple now

wear red on white Sundays

Pentecost will be my last red-sock Sunday

as appointed pastor I hope.

 

Passed a church called Joy Baptist

smiled remembering Willimon saying

if churches are named after emotions

then fear would be a better word

because we are fearful people

funny but true.

 

Passed Howard and Meemaw’s Farm

where we buy strawberries peaches ice cream

peach orchard in full glorious bloom

promising another good year for peaches

ours are the best in North Carolina maybe the whole world

Meemaw told me last July

yes I mused eyes closed

inhaling the scent of a large ripe peach.

 

Thank you God for springtime and peaches.

Prayer for a New and Right Spirit

 

The sun is setting on my time as pastor

Wrote then deleted post about denominational anger

over being treated as less-than... again.

 

Thought about it.

 

Maybe a lot of the anger is displaced

God knows I feel anguish  

over corrupt incompetent president

his malicious terrible sidekicks

hurting people without regard

angry with maybe half a congregation

I suspect voted for him

what has my preaching been for these years

oh I know you love being entertained

has there been no change nor softening of hearts

toward the poor the hungry the suffering?

 

Then in prayer I hear

what you think you’re better than Isaiah or Ezekiel?

many hearts never change

you might not realize the ones that do.

 

Speaking of displaced anger

what about our beloved youngest

who has been politically socially corrupted

by spouse

can’t be angry with our child

hard to be angry with the spouse

(we fight it)

so anger gets displaced.

 

Displaced anger maybe from something stupid

like a finance meeting where we discuss

yet again

the church's refusal to move giving 

into the 21^st century 

25 years late

those younger than 40 don’t even own a check book!

(I’m getting angry)

your next pastor will demand it

then I will quit someone said.

 

So maybe my anger is displaced on a position

that represents power to me

easier to be angry with someone who’s new in the job

and dog-paddling around in the deep end.

 

All of this is everything

yet in a big picture I cannot see

it is all nothing.

 

Create in me a clean heart O God

and put a new and right spirit within me.

The Cloud Window

 

We have a window in our home I call the cloud window

that’s what you see through it

small square up high shows the sky

sometimes I also see the moon.

 

Long-ago DS once said pastors need to sit outside

watch clouds so I started doing that

cloud window is directly across from the chair

where I read pray think

so I often see clouds.

Lately I announced pending retirement

which was strangely deflating in several ways

in consultation I was treated like a child

when have I ever given you cause to treat me this way

I didn’t say

no thank you for your service

or what are your plans

instead

do this don’t do that 

you’d better stay out of it or else

not interested in what I know of Massey’s Chapel

I said almost everyone in this church 

joined under my predecessor or me

they have little historical memory

some of them aren’t aware the appointment is part time

they have no idea what that might mean

she said they will get who they get

it’s none of your business stay out it

her only question was

is the church open to growth?

we are dealing with that right now I said

(but I can see you want a yes or no).

I left the consultation feeling aggravated

wanted to go home look at clouds and pray

halfway across the parking lot

like a lightning bolt

surged a jolt of joy

joy!

something not common for me

stopped me in my tracks

what why this joy?

I perceived

God still has things in mind for me

Massey’s too

be joyful!

So I was I am.

 

Went home watched clouds through cloud window

thanked God for the bright glimpse.

Half a Week

 

Massey's Chapel church family photo Advent 2024

Today cold snow stay inside

polish sermon print Sunday stuff

fill in table 1 do more church stuff

stop when stomach pain forces it

it's just stress not heart attack

rest.

 

Yesterday pickleball in Siler City!

who would have thought

pickleball even in Siler City

nice people old gymnasium

wonderful fun

afternoon mahjong.

 

Monday newsletter and sermon writing

in dark morning hours

later pickleball in Chapel Hill

afternoon church work.

 

Sunday such a crowd in church

so many visitors not enough space

newcomers (with children!) crept up center aisle

accompanied by masked usher

looking for space on any pew

getting close to front

I paused in speaking and said

please move over and make room on the pew!

embarrassing everyone I’m sure

must we really talk about hospitality again?

 

Here’s temporary solution

two pews in back each will hold a sign

RESERVED FOR VISITORS

folding chairs in front for members

I’m sure ushers will not enforce

I’ll have to do it myself

start worship late

but

you do not own this pew.

A Few of My Favorite Things

 

Recent favorite selfie

Love this one!

My favorite artwork

Good to remind myself

This is me

I need to carry this with me for certain encounters

True for now

Does this include pickleball?

This one made me laugh the most in 2024!

Actions First Please

 

Passing the peace

Are you really helping anyone with this letter?

words are easy when

you are not the one to read them in church

I will not read it

wouldn’t change anyone’s mind

congregation will think it’s partisan

will confirm what they already believe about you

both good and bad 

depending on their perspective.

 

If you really want to help

why not pay legal fees

for churches who harbor illegal immigrants

I see there’s rainbow covenant lane for it

why not elevate it

we should build shelters

send army of volunteers to border

pay for them to get and stay there

I’d like to see you march in protest

offer your prophetic words on TV or from jail

set an example for us

(like Rev. Barber)

why not reward churches

who share space with immigrants

or offer services in two languages

why don’t you entice us to learn another language

put our money where your mouth is.

 

Once when I sat on dCOM

DS tried to eliminate older immigrant woman

I knew well and loved

he said these wives of immigrant pastors

think they are called

because they want to be like their husbands

I thought: did he really just say that?

lay woman in room said

Mister DS that is what white men say

to denigrate women of color

thank God she spoke up

I lacked courage to do so.

 

Perhaps we could work to ensure

such elders are not endlessly promoted.

 

Jesus had harsh words for religious leaders

that should keep us all humble.

December Sweetness

 

Christmas Eve was not one of my better efforts

it seemed not to matter

the beauty is 

the Lord and the day

candles and colors

music and people.

 

My family was there

the grands seemed not to know me

when they came for children’s time

I guess the black robe white stole threw them.

 

We posed for a photo afterwards.

 

Then Katherine took me to a house on the beach

for birthday and Christmas gift

Wrightsville Beach 

where I think we once took her and brother

when they were children

it was cold wind was blowing

except one perfect day we spent

in a garden in Wilmington

then in the city itself.

Live oaks and Spanish moss (above and below) at Airlie Gardens

One day we took a birding trip in a boat

saw exotic birds and dolphins

one day we went to tea, below.

 

I still was not feeling completely recovered

from recent illness

the food was too rich

couldn't drink wine

it was wonderful all the same.

 

If you had it to do all over

knowing now what you didn’t know then

would you do it? my daughter asked.

At the time I did not really have a choice

or felt I did not I replied

the loss of my health was unintended consequence

due to ill-handled stress

other things in me changed too

some good some not so good

at least I got to see God at work

in some pretty awesome ways.

 

Still do.