Reflections on Age and Energy

 Pentecost 2024

Keith said it’s too bad

you were older and tired by the time

you got a good church

I replied I am like Sarah

who got pregnant at 90

too old to enjoy motherhood

thanks a lot God.

 

I told him Aldersgate

took what was left

sucked me dry

never got a break from trauma

heartbreak anger awful decisions

six months leading two churches

trying to learn Massey’s Chapel

while Aldersgate died.

 

Then came Covid

then came disaffiliations.

 

I overheard Keith telling neighbors

my first church had been really mean

caused me to cry a lot

turned off our children from church.

 

Three unhealthy churches

had too many problems

for one pastor

the Rougemont Charge

about blew me out like a candle

I remember praying

I can’t do this anymore God

that has been my prayer

as long as I’ve been in ministry.

 

For twenty years a devil has sat on my shoulder

whispering you could do more

for God’s kingdom

as a lay person in a healthy church.

 

Massey’s Chapel is anxious

over the possibility

of my retirement next June

it’s not that they love me so much

I am not warm and fuzzy

what I am is competent.

 

I told Keith

they are just anxious about the future

this is an anxious year in many ways

I could retire next year or five years from now

who knows what kind of pastor they would get.

Still God will be a part of it.

An Invitation

 Pastor stirring stew at Union Grove, 2013

Got a postcard in an envelope

return address Union Grove

opened with nervous hands

what could this be?

 

An invitation to church's

100^th anniversary celebration

the bishop will be there!

Saturday afternoon two weeks hence

would you please come

tell stories give memories send photos

also we need former field ed student email addresses

especially Savanna.

 

Pulled from bookcase printed journals like this one

I have been keeping forever

surprised I only wrote about Union Grove

in volume one

(devoted too much ink to Aldersgate)

have plenty of photos to share

here is Savanna’s email address.

 

I don’t want to go

avoid events when bishop will be there

plus new pastor is former member 

of Massey’s Chapel

ordained Baptist years ago

married our lay leader

took her off to be pastor’s wife

least favorite DS gave him

2-point charge in Rocky Mount

one of which disaffiliated

now they are in Bahama and Rougemont.

 

We don’t much like each other

the Baptist thing of course.

 

Found an appropriate story to read

about seeing God at work

I will attend because I should not avoid

special church events

and

I do love sweet Union Grove.

Church Talk

 

Clergy colleague called to tell me

the church she serves told her

Aldersgate ran itself into the ground

then closed

turned over building to conference

if Aldersgate can do it so can we

that’s not the way it happened I replied

let’s have lunch so we did.

 

Aldersgate sold its building

but there must be compelling reason

also plans for afterwards

although reason may never materialize

plans can fall through.

 

Some other churches sold their buildings

then dovetailed with another church

taking proceeds with them

it all requires permission

yes her church sits on valuable property

I doubt the conference trustees would let

another Aldersgate happen I said

I tried so many things 

they told me they were old

nothing worked out

set up trust gave away money.

 

We talked about serving elderly churches

whose members no longer want to serve

study work do ministry

even answer difficult questions.

Massey’s ganged up on me lately to say

they are too old been there done that

please stop asking

this all arises from charge conference question

what keeps you stuck unable to perceive

new thing God is doing?

what new thing we all wonder.

 

My colleague said you should try what I am doing

interim pastor no more than one year

she said I am quite emphatic

my time with any church ends in June

then I take off at least July often longer

it's great she said I will never take another church

longer than a year.

 

Yes I enjoyed being short term interim

at handful of churches

when I served Union Grove who worshiped at 5

so long ago.

Church Music

 

I admit I love our Hymnal

Talking with new neighbors retirees

said they were church shopping

not those words exactly

have visited Presbyterian Methodist

was it Pittsboro United Methodist I asked

yes they replied

how was it

husband answered it was okay

just okay I wondered

he sighed

the Methodists love their hymnals

ah I thought

said out loud you prefer praise songs

words projected on a screen

it’s what we’re used to he said

we will go to the community church here I think

even retirees want overly loud praise songs?

 

Another neighbor who knows my vocation

said with some excitement

he visited Pittsboro United Methodist

how was it I asked

wonderful he exclaimed

they have a – he described an organ he expected me to know about –

an excellent music ministry

they sing mostly from regular hymnal

this neighbor has a baby grand piano

plays fill-in organ at churches

do they have a choir I asked

oh a good one he replied I’m now singing in it

I watched the livestream

sure enough

he was up front singing his heart out.

Goodbye Blowing Rock

 

Goodbye Blowing Rock I said Friday

in the pinkish salmon light of dawn on the Parkway

grateful car was not wrapped in fog

one deer already dashed across the road.

 

Eleven nights of very little sleep

less than four hours each night

because of bed from hell

tall old lumpy horrible

Keith left even earlier for same reason

also sofa and chair were unsittable

for longer than five minutes.

Thursday afternoon old friend Annette

texted to say sorry

she could not come for weekend

Dallas was too hot for flight to take off

after hours and endless airport delays

it's just as well I didn't say plus

 thank God I do not live in Dallas.

 

Friday dawn driving home

a psycho after so little sleep

somehow I made it back to Pittsboro 

by the grace of God.

 

Today I was in the pulpit

instead of lay person who was supposed to fill in

she seemed terribly nervous about leading worship 

more than preaching

it’s like juggling balls she said

I know what you mean I replied 

sometimes I still drop a ball

or two.

 

Church seemed glad I was back

despite Julia A delivering great sermon last Sunday

I watched the live stream she didn’t use notes

not sure how preachers do that

I continued her Bread of Life theme

an old sermon updated because time was short.

 

Explained to everyone I came home early

because eleven nights of no sleep

turned me into a psycho

they all laughed

handful of people confessed to me afterwards

they struggle to sleep every night.

 

Mom aren’t you just getting old and fussy

my mean daughter asked

no! I’ve slept in many places

never had such an experience

well you’re older now she said unkindly

with eyes twinkling

mom I didn’t find the sofa that uncomfortable.

 

I wrote a note to condo owner

I’m checking out six days early

because of horrible bed

this represents some hundreds of dollars maybe more

I didn’t say

she wrote back so sorry

do you have recommendation for new mattress?

 

One of my peeps asked if I came home early

because I felt internally like it was the right thing to do

I paused and answered

actually yes.