Looking Forward

 

I hope I will travel

Strange thing happened yesterday

when having coffee with friend

I said I’ll probably retire in June

she asked what will you do

I said oh probably play more pickleball

play mahjong more often

travel take walks be with family

volunteer with Keith at food pantry

maybe fill in at churches that need short term interim

find a church nearby

where I can worship sing in choir

does it have to be Methodist she asked

probably yes United Methodist I replied.

 

I have been watching livestreams

from churches near me I said

stumbled across small one

where I could not believe

the quality of preaching

well he is a Div student

it has been a long time

since I heard genuine exegesis

I thought I will go right there to visit

for the first time in a long time

I will choose my own church.

 

How do you know what to do? she asked.

 

When I pray about it

God seems to say your choice dearest

I will bless either

but if you choose to stay at Massey’s

you will need to put in more

mental emotional spiritual even physical energy

my reply is I love you thank you no

 

You seem so happy

when talking about all this she said

last time we had coffee

you seemed sad

I couldn’t remember the context of sad

what was remarkable about yesterday:

I went home happy

can’t remember last time

I felt hopeful happy all day

got a lot done too.

End of 2024 Challenges

 Me & Katherine on my 2022 birthday

I would be remiss if I did not write about dreadful election

no one thought grifter would win

but he did

I have been depressed

won't watch or read news

asked ai to write Sunday pastoral prayer

it composed better one

than I could have.

 

We have church Christmas project

easy one buying gift cards

for Methodist Home for Children

already someone asked to write check

can someone else purchase gift cards for me?

I said no

any moron can buy gift card at Target

I did not say

I am weary of laziness.

 

Advent is around corner

we’ll decorate after church Sunday before

because people already will be there --

captive work team

Advent's third Sunday we will have festive reception

after worship

because I did not arrange Homecoming in October

only one person said something.

 

I told usual people

I am not going to stress about Advent music this year

sing if you want

if you arrange with pianist to practice

no singing without practice

which is what they really want to do.

 

I saved small clear plates from All Saints candles

to place underneath poinsettias

somehow I dug up battery candles

for people to hold Christmas Eve

six years old they still work

a Hanukkah miracle ha.

Because 

there’s no getting out of Christmas Eve worship this year

I’ve been slippery as snake (wise as serpent?)

past few years what with Covid

then 24th falling on Sunday last year

maybe I am lazy too

oh God can you help me 

write one more Christmas Eve sermon?

 

I took off my birthday

first Sunday after Christmas

Katherine will take me somewhere for surprise!

retired elder from New York

said he would preach lead worship that day

it’s Medicare birthday for me

my 60^th fell right before Covid.

 

Then we turn to new secular year

with a clown in the White House

turning everything into a terrible circus

God help us.

Too Much Going On

 

Orange coneflowers in pollinator garden remind me of Blowing Rock

Charge conference Sunday evening at Parkwood

worried not many people would come

they came because I begged

sullen answering of DS questions by all three churches

Parkwood tried more valiantly than other two.

 

Last Sunday congregation was jittery about election

they will be worse this Sunday

genuinely afraid of violence

I cannot reassure them it won’t happen

but I say peace the world is still in God’s hands

am I saying peace peace when there is no peace?

 

This week I plan All-Saints Sunday

we will light three candles for members who died

none of whom had funeral or memorial service

seems to be a thing these days

cremation no service

I offered to let any worshiper

who had deceased family member this year

bring their own candle to light

table is petite in small space

I hope candles fit

and

I don’t set myself on fire

have to stand close for Communion

 

Once I almost did set my sleeve on fire

at New Bethel when lighting Advent candles.

 

This Saturday is clean-up day

in pollinator garden

we can’t afford expensive landscaper anymore

to prune throw branches into woods

I hope enough people come

followed by soup and bread lunch.

 

It’s all too much but what can you do?

only pray

and

show up.

Reflections on Age and Energy

 Pentecost 2024

Keith said it’s too bad

you were older and tired by the time

you got a good church

I replied I am like Sarah

who got pregnant at 90

too old to enjoy motherhood

thanks a lot God.

 

I told him Aldersgate

took what was left

sucked me dry

never got a break from trauma

heartbreak anger awful decisions

six months leading two churches

trying to learn Massey’s Chapel

while Aldersgate died.

 

Then came Covid

then came disaffiliations.

 

I overheard Keith telling neighbors

my first church had been really mean

caused me to cry a lot

turned off our children from church.

 

Three unhealthy churches

had too many problems

for one pastor

the Rougemont Charge

about blew me out like a candle

I remember praying

I can’t do this anymore God

that has been my prayer

as long as I’ve been in ministry.

 

For twenty years a devil has sat on my shoulder

whispering you could do more

for God’s kingdom

as a lay person in a healthy church.

 

Massey’s Chapel is anxious

over the possibility

of my retirement next June

it’s not that they love me so much

I am not warm and fuzzy

what I am is competent.

 

I told Keith

they are just anxious about the future

this is an anxious year in many ways

I could retire next year or five years from now

who knows what kind of pastor they would get.

Still God will be a part of it.

An Invitation

 Pastor stirring stew at Union Grove, 2013

Got a postcard in an envelope

return address Union Grove

opened with nervous hands

what could this be?

 

An invitation to church's

100^th anniversary celebration

the bishop will be there!

Saturday afternoon two weeks hence

would you please come

tell stories give memories send photos

also we need former field ed student email addresses

especially Savanna.

 

Pulled from bookcase printed journals like this one

I have been keeping forever

surprised I only wrote about Union Grove

in volume one

(devoted too much ink to Aldersgate)

have plenty of photos to share

here is Savanna’s email address.

 

I don’t want to go

avoid events when bishop will be there

plus new pastor is former member 

of Massey’s Chapel

ordained Baptist years ago

married our lay leader

took her off to be pastor’s wife

least favorite DS gave him

2-point charge in Rocky Mount

one of which disaffiliated

now they are in Bahama and Rougemont.

 

We don’t much like each other

the Baptist thing of course.

 

Found an appropriate story to read

about seeing God at work

I will attend because I should not avoid

special church events

and

I do love sweet Union Grove.